I've been quite the busy body stressing out about her birthday party because there's nothing for me to get ready for. WHAT?! I know. I'm stressing out because I have nothing to stress about. I'm such a weirdo. But my stressful most favorite hobby is event planning and this is MAJOR event and I want to do everything and bend over backwards for my baby's first birthday. I suppose the reason I'm so stressed and upset, really, is because I feel like I have to do something for her birthday for me to feel that I am expressing her specialness to me. I've really been contemplating on why this has been bothering me so much. I've narrowed down the root of the emotion. I think it's my love language. I've never really known what my love language is. I always feel like every single one of them makes me really really happy and I do every single one of the love language, I suppose depending on the person on the receiving it. But for me, at this moment, for my precious Luna, my love language must be acts of service. I feel like because I'm not throwing this huge birthday bash myself and essentially just busting out my wallet, I'm not doing anything special. I'm not laboring to throw her a birthday party. (ha! LABORING!) Also, it goes to show that spending money and gift giving/receiving isn't one of my love languages.
Now that I've sort of figured it out, I'm trying to come to terms with it. Just because I'm not losing sleep over assembling some sort of figure and running around like a crazy madwoman decorating a place doesn't mean that I love her less. In fact, she won't remember a darn thing, will only have pictures to see, and then her siblings (unformed at the moment, I think) will be jealous that Luna got the most attention to detail for her first birthday. Another thing is that despite the fact that everything is prepared by the venue, I'm still assembling something (her giant block letters) and will still be running around like a crazy madwoman anyway. So I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that she's no less special, or that she'll think that I love her less, or that she'll be upset that I didn't prepare for her birthday just because Luna didn't get a pink and purple explosion birthday with a big bounce house she can't jump in, with streamers, a matching balloon arch, a magician, paper cups with her name decorated on it, and people in furry costumes dancing about. She'll just get all that for the first birthday we celebrate when we get back home....given that her (once again, unformed) siblings aren't old enough to remember.
